Bloopers, Alternate Scenes, Weirdness, and Stuff
by VortexEssence7
Summary: Basically this is just a thing where I will put all my random alternate scene ideas and misc. items and such that have to do with my story Resonant Humanity, as I have a lot of ideas for alternate scenes that will never happen. I...I don't even know what this is honestly. It's just...extras I guess. Yeah. Let's go with that.
1. Kelsi the Storybomber

**This...this is what happens when me and my friend are stuck in class together and we are bored. Ideas like this happen, ones of her randomly coming into the story, and other strange things. 'Storybombing' is like photobombing, but with a story, in case that wasn't clear.**

**I wrote this while listening to Harder Better Faster Stronger by Daft Punk, and Another Way Out by Hollywood Undead**

**This is what would happen if my friend came into my story, or something like that. Meh.**

**This is dedicated to my amazing strange awesome spazzy occasionally flailing friend Kelsi. I hope you enjoy. I know I did. Maybe a little too much XD**

* * *

"Stop breathing down my neck."

"Do you actually think that I breathe?"

"I mean stop being in my space like this, smartass. It makes it hard to concentrate on what I'm doing."

I nudged his stomach with my elbow in the hopes that it would make him listen. But he didn't move, just continued to loom over me as I stirred the pot of what would be fudge. However, I might just have to dump it all over him if he doesn't stop annoying me.

"What are you making?" he asked.

I glanced up towards the ceiling. He was bent over me so much that his face was directly above the pot of boiling sugar. "Fudge."

"Why?"

"Because I feel like it. Get out of my space."

I reached to the side to pick up the chocolate chips and dump them in, hearing the timer go off. I had to stir it with more effort, and in result of that, moved around a bit. This caused me to keep bumping into Slenderman.

I had to shove him backwards when it was time to pour the fudge into a dish to set. But even then, he followed me and resumed his place of standing too close for comfort. I was very deeply considering beating him with the hot pan in my hands.

Suddenly the sound of wood breaking and a loud crashing caught my attention, just as something seemed to drop to the floor of the living room from the ceiling. I set the pot down hurriedly and rushed into the room with Slenderman at my heels of course.

There was a huge hole in the floor of the living room by the couch, as well as one in the ceiling, clear through the roof of the house. I carefully stepped over the broken pieces of wood and peered down into the hole in the floor.

A figure sat on a pile of debris quite a few feet below, clouds of dust swirling about. She got up, rubbing her head. "Ow…" Then she looked up and glanced between me and Slenderman. "Sup brah! Oh, sorry about your house, do y'all think you could point me to the nearest main street? Or gimme a map or some shit?"

I stared down at her in stunned silence.

She ignored this and looked around her. "Oh, there's a door right over there. I guess that's the way out, right? Okay, well, bye, sorry about your roof!"

Not paying attention to anything else, she moved around the debris and went out whatever door she had found down there. I rotated my head towards Slenderman and had to search for words.

"Did you...know who that was?"

He seemed just as surprised as I was. "No...no I did not."

I leaned forward a bit more to inspect the place she'd fallen into when she went through the floor. Light from the roof was filtering down into the hole and showing the cement floor with debris and dust littered everywhere.

I moved my hair from my face. "I uh...I didn't know there was a basement…"

* * *

Later that day I cleaned up all the damaged pieces of wood and put them in a pile outside the house. I had no idea what I was going to do about the holes gaping from the girl's impact.

Where the hell had she come from? And why did she fall through the roof?

I was still in a bit of shock, so I kept trying to think of any logical solutions that could make my mind rest, but none were working. The girl had just fallen into a house, and she acted as if she hadn't noticed it. Who does that?

I jumped when something touched my mouth. I refocused and realized that it was a piece of fudge, which Slenderman was trying to feed to me with one of his tendrils. Narrowing my eyes at him and the plate of fudge in his hand, I snatched the piece and bit into it.

"You put all of the fudge on that plate, didn't you?" I asked.

He lifted a piece for himself and inspected it. "Yes I did."

"Maybe I wanted half of it."

"Maybe I will consume your soul instead of eating this. If that's what you would prefer, I would be more than happy to oblige."

I rolled my eyes, knowing that he wouldn't even if I did say yes. We had been playing this game for a long while now.

Slenderman suddenly disappeared. The plate of fudge was left on the couch, all the pieces stacked carefully in the formation of a small pyramid. I assumed that he left to go hunt, and took the plate back to the kitchen to wrap it up.

While I was putting it in the fridge, a voice abruptly interrupted the silence from the living room. "Oh, are you going to help me? You'd be really good at it, with all those thingies, I think they're called tentacles or something, but they would be a great help if you really wanted to. I mean, you don't have to of course, because you're Slenderman and you probably don't give a shit about me, but-"

I went into the living room to see the girl from earlier, being held in the air by the black tendrils that belonged to the tall figure in a black suit. She inhaled when she saw me, apparently happy that to see me.

"Sup brah? I know we met before, but I went to the nice Home Depot store just down the street and I got some stuffs. I thought to myself, 'Kelsi, that there is a real nice Home Depot and this here is a real nice house with real nice people and you should fix up their house for them.'"

She didn't stop talking, even when I exchanged a completely weirded out look with Slenderman.

"The people there were real nice, too! I just walked in, grabbed the stuffs I needed, and left. They turned on this real loud buzzer like I'd won the lottery, then we played a quick game of tag, you know now that I think about it, i think it was more like cops and robbers or something, but-"

I felt like I had to take a breath for her, which I did, wishing she would do the same. She was going to pass out or something if she didn't stop talking.

"Oh hey, your man Slendy here is really strong, did you know that? He just lifted me and my stuff without even trying, it was really cool, but I'm sure you're used to seeing him to cool things and all-"

Speaking of, one of his tendrils curled around her mouth to cut her off. She kept talking in a muffled manner and looking from him to me with her wide eyes full of an unnatural excitement.

"I found **this **trying to get on the roof," Slenderman explained to me, lifting the girl up an inch to indicate her. His other tendril lifted up the large bag of things that she had taken from the Home Depot store.

She said her name while she was talking. Kelsi, I think. Well, it's a start.

"Did you say your name was Kelsi?" I asked her, stepping a little closer.

She nodded rapidly, still unable to speak. I could take in her appearance now that she was up close and wasn't moving around. She looked my age, maybe a little younger. Her light brown hair was messy and was what seemed like a mass of curls. Her eyes were bright and wide, and I could tell that she was smiling even though her mouth was covered.

"Put her down," I sighed at Slenderman, rubbing my face wearily.

When she was released, Kelsi immediately ran forward and did to me what could only be described as a glomp. She pulled back after a moment and straightened her purple sweatshirt. "You're very nice, you know that? Well, I'm gonna go fix your roof now, if that's okay, but I don't see why it wouldn't be, cause having your roof fixed for free is-"

"Okay, yes, go fix it," I interrupted, shooing her towards the bag of repair items she had brought back. She took it from Slenderman and proceeded to drag it out the door.

After a bit of hesitation, I added, "Do you want any help?"

"No, no, I got it! I can do this. Just gimme a second to get out the door and I'll be good. Just go back to whatever you were doing."

She went out the door, and with great effort, took the bag with her. I glanced at Slenderman when she shut the door. "Can you get her onto the roof? I don't want her to break her neck trying."

His head tilted to the side, his voice mocking. "Why not? I think that it would be rather enjoyable to watch her die."

I gave him a look. Well, more of a demanding gesture, to which he snorted softly and vanished.

* * *

Sometime after the very strange girl managed to fix the roof, I, out of utter curiosity and confusion, invited her to stay for a while. She gladly accepted, more or less on the account that I had some fudge sitting in the fridge. However, there was also another in the house who wanted the fudge as well. I think anyone could see how this would end.

I sat on the couch and waited for her to bring the fudge into the living room, but after hearing her yell angrily in protest just a minute later, went to the kitchen to see what the problem was. I probably should have seen this coming, I will admit.

Kelsi was inevitably wrapped tightly in the tendrils belonging to Slenderman, who held her to the counter in an almost nonchalant manner while he stood on the other side of the room eating the fudge pieces one by one. He had tried to cover her mouth but she had gone to the extreme of biting down on the tendril.

This of course received no indication from Slenderman that he cared at all about the fight that she was putting up. Kelsi growled in rage and shook her head rapidly with the tendril still between her teeth, trying to dislodge the thing as well as wiggling violently in an attempt to escape his hold.

"You...you have to do this?" I asked the tall being in the black suit, gesturing to the scene in front of me and mostly Kelsi.

Another square of fudge went into his invisible mouth. "Yes."

I looked to Kelsi, who was gnawing on a black tendril and still making very feral noises. "Kelsi." Her eyes almost immediately met mine. I continued carefully, trying to make sure that she understood. "There's, uh, not really anything I can do about...him. He does whatever he wants, if you hadn't noticed already, so I'm afraid that I can't exactly help you."

She glared at said Slenderman and bit down on the black appendage one more time, then sighed angrily in defeat. She also mumbled something very muffled that sounded like "Mucking affhole aff-face man."

Slenderman, being Slenderman, shoved the last of the fudge into his strange mouth and set the plate on the counter, shaking his head at Kelsi in a way as if to say 'You silly human.' After that he teleported away and left me alone with Kelsi, who expressed her very colorful thoughts about Slenderman.

She ended with, "In conclusion, your boyfriend is an asshole. But I'm sure you know that very well, considering how you're stuck with him all the time, and he probably tortures you in disturbing ways-."

"Do you want some tea?" I asked rather loudly, making an effort to interrupt her train of thought before it could possibly get any more vivid. I lifted up the tea kettle in my hands to emphasize my point.

She shook her head, her hair moving along with it. "No, I don't like tea very much."

Hm. The stove was turned on to heat up the water and I took Kelsi into the living room with the promise of taking out some other sweets she could eat in peace without having to fight with Slenderman over them. This is exactly why I shouldn't make sweets, because things like **this** will happen. The universe doesn't want me to make desserts.

* * *

In the hours that followed, Kelsi talked most of the time, allowing me my input when she wanted to know something. But interrupting her would be like trying to stop a moving vehicle with your body, so I let her continue all she wanted.

Eventually she asked to use the bathroom and I used that time to put my empty tea mug in the kitchen and put the empty plate, that once had sweets on it, in the sink. It was truly astonishing how quickly she could eat things.

The faintest of a ringing sound came to my ears. I automatically knew the cause and turned around, only to be met with familiar black tendrils coiling themselves around my limbs, not necessarily to restrain me, but almost like the way a human would hold the hand of another. It's very obvious by now that Slenderman has strange ways of saying hello.

"Can I help you with something?" I said almost just to distract me from the closeness of his form to mine.

"The little girl punched me. My face, to be precise."

…

It took me a few seconds to process that piece of information he had just given me, and even longer to form a response. "...why?"

_*flashback time, muthafuckas!*_

While Rei was busy taking the empty platter and her cup into the kitchen, Kelsi went upstairs to use the bathroom and was met with a certain Slenderman standing in the middle of the hall. She halted for a moment, but abandoned any logical thoughts and walked right up to him.

"Whazup brah? So, I heard from a very trusted, informative source that, uh, well let's just say I know your weakness. Lemme see your face." Kelsi then proceeded to jump up in order to reach the desired target and landed her fist directly to the center of Slenderman's blank face.

The only response he gave was a slight tilt of his head at her, as if he was questioning her intelligence level.

Kelsi clenched her fist a few times with a pause, squinting up at him. "Huh...well, what do you know...want some mini wheats?"

_*end flashback, muthafuckas!*_

With a groan I put a hand to my face for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. "Please tell me you didn't kill her."

"I locked her in the bathroom."

I looked at him with my uncovered eye, a bit surprised that he hadn't at least maimed her a little bit, considering his tolerance level for anything. It was then that I could hear Kelsi screaming and banging on the door of the bathroom upstairs, some lovely profanities being produced.

How Slenderman managed to lock the door from the outside, I can't imagine. He better not have ruined the door or the knob.

While floating within my thoughts of wonderment and concern that Kelsi was going to break down the door, I decided that I needed to go open the door for her before she hurt herself or anything else. But as I turned to leave the kitchen, the tendrils that had been slowly climbing around me suddenly became tight and unmovable.

I was about to make a noise of protest, but was unable to as I was pulled back into the hair-thin space between me and him. He leaned down to my level and stuck his face a bit too close to mine for comfort, making me try to get away, which only resulted in me being moved closer into his space.

His voice was laced with a dangerous amount of smooth honey that I was sure would give me diabetes just by hearing it. "For the time being, while she is occupied, it's my turn to spend some...quality time with you."(Author's Note: I laughed so damn hard when I wrote the part about getting diabetes from his voice, I'm not entirely sure why, but I just did XD)

I laughed sarcastically. "Quality time? You mean the time when you torture me with your nearly irresistible powers simply because it's the only thing that can amuse you nowadays. You, of all beings, shouldn't sugar coat anything."

"Let me begin, then."

The rush of cool energy bombarded me so quickly that I felt like I was going to melt into a puddle on the floor. Or that every cell in my body would explode from the amount of power he was pushing into me.

During the time that I was nearly incapacitated while Slenderman had his fun with basically snuggling my face in that weird way of his, I didn't hear the bathroom door being broken open upstairs, nor did I notice Kelsi stomping down to the living room.

Until she came into the kitchen and stopped in her tracks.

Her face was that of surprise and awkwardness, for she had no clue what to do in this situation. She gathered herself after a moment of thick silence and returned to normal. Well, as normal as she could be. Which wasn't normal at all. You know what I mean.

"Oh, hey, sup with you guys? Hey, hey, hey, I'm gonna go grab a bowl of mini wheats, you want some? See, I was digging around in the kitchen and I saw that huge ass box of frosted amazingness, and so I walked down to Walmart and bought some chocolate millk, so I've got this covered, promise, cross my heart."

Chocolate...what the hell?

She completely ignored my face of shock and confusion and nonchalantly went around us to the fridge, most likely to get the chocolate milk, another thing she probably just **took** from the store. Slenderman moved out of the way and inevitably me as well, almost as if he wanted us to be a good distance away to see something that would happen.

After searching in the fridge for a good amount of time, she slowly pulled out an empty milk carton with a brown label on the front of it and turned to face us. I've never seen a more unstable look on anyone's face than the one I was seeing right now.

"So, um...where's the chocolate milk? Cause, you see, I kinda went to the store to get this just for us to share, to go with the frosted mini wheats of deliciousness, and-"

"I drank it," Slenderman said, stating it more bluntly than anyone ever could.

I watched, expecting a complete explosion of profanities and flailing, as Kelsi's face twitched in an odd way. Then she set the empty carton on the counter and left the room without a word, going into the living room.

Giving Slenderman a complete look of 'WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?' I wrenched myself from him and went to attempt and console Kelsi, only to see her emit a sound of outrage and flip the coffee table over with all her strength.

She stood there breathing heavily like a dragon, and I almost expected to see flames coming out of her mouth. I carefully stepped closer and picked up the car keys, lifting them by her face so she could see them.

"You can go to the store and get some more chocolate milk, if you want," I suggested to the ticking time bomb with a face of anger in front of me.

Kelsi glanced at the keys, then took them and headed towards the door to leave. I looked back at Slenderman who stood in the doorway of the kitchen with an air of smug satisfaction about him.

This...this is why I don't have guests over. Ever. Because he will always do **something**, however small it might be, to ruin it all. And he does it just because he **can**. Because he just **needs **to spend every minute of every day with me, unless he needs to leave, but only of his choice, and even then it's not a very long period of time that he's away.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! YOU SON OF A-"

By the time I got outside to see what the problem was, I had given up on any attempts to calm Kelsi down that might have been in my brain. She was bending over on the side of the truck with her hands on the bottom of it, apparently trying to flip the vehicle over, but quite obviously not moving it an inch.

While she made many more noises of frustration at the world, I turned my head towards the figure in the black suit and tie next to me. "You're horrible. Really, really, horrible."

He chuckled. "I try."

Slenderman eventually used his tendril to pull Kelsi away from the truck and place her inside, where I brought her whatever sweet foods I had left to make her be calm again. She only went back to her usual self after Slenderman, the cause of all her devastating woes, left the room.

We stood near the patched-up hole in the floor, her folding her arms and me putting the sweets down somewhere else.

"I hope you know that one day, maybe not now, but in the very near future, he will pay for what he's done," she ranted. "Somehow, I will make him pay. I will eventually find his weakness and when I do, I'll make him pay. I know he's your boyfriend, Rei, but damn, he is the assiest asshole I've ever met. And I've met a lot of assholes."

I cringed. "Don't say 'boyfriend'. You're shanking me with your words right now. I'm going to die if I keep hearing that word."

Kelsi's body abruptly began to levitate, as if she were attached to invisible strings that were connected to the ceiling. She looked alarmed, then waved at me quickly. "I guess it's time for me to go, then, I'll see you later, okay? Bye, Rei!"

She leaned in closer to me to make sure I fully understood what she said next and obeyed it. "Oh, and just kiss your boyfriend already, I mean, damn! Just, damn!"

Her body was then forced back up through the ceiling and the roof, just as she had come in earlier. I could hear her yelling, "BYE, REI! BYE, SLENDY!" before her voice faded away into the sky.

I put my arms down that I had covered my head with when the debris came falling down. Now I had to clean the mess myself. This was just great.

I noticed that Slenderman was standing next to me, gazing up at the new holes in the top of the house. He didn't seem quite as surprised and utterly confused as I was, but that was most likely because of the fact that he himself was a being that could not and probably would never be explained.

He had been standing there the whole time, listening to everything that Kelsi had been saying to me. I knew he was thinking about the last part, I just knew it, there was no way he couldn't be.

He spoke, his voice cutting through the silence. "So…"

"No."

* * *

**I...I regret nothing.**


	2. Fajitas

**Alright...What would happen if Rei took Slendy out on a date? At a restaurant? With other humans around?**

**Well, this. This would happen. And then the universe would make sense again.  
**

**This is also what happens when me and my friend Kelsi are once again left alone with computers and enough boredom to create this glorious nonsense. Is there...something wrong with us?**

**Nah. Of course not.**

* * *

It was near 8 o clock in the evening, and Pablo's Mexican restaurant was just getting over its dinner rush. The room was dimly lit by rather crappy candles and flickering lights. There were only about twelve tables, half of them full. A lone customer sat in the far corner of the room, sipping his coffee, watching the sombrero-clad waiters serve their tables.

He was busy reading the dessert menu and trying to decide between the flan or a simple ice cream sundae when the restaurant doors opened and a new couple walked in. The tables in the room fell suddenly silent at the sight of them, and the lone man nearly choked on his coffee.

The girl looked very normal by herself, young, maybe in her late teens. But the man, however, was a seemingly impossible sight. He was extremely tall, unnaturally slender with a black suit and tie. His face was, to say the least, nonexistent. It twas of pure white complexion with near to no features other than faint indents where his eyes should have been.

At first the man thought he was just seeing things. Perhaps he had one too many alcoholic drinks earlier. But, to his horror, he was not the only one to see this creature. All the other people in the room had looked up and were staring at the tall man just as he was.

The girl strangely enough was not appearing to be bothered by this in the least. She walked with the man to a table and took their seats. After a moment, no one came out to be their waiter, but then a confident young lad took up two menus and made the trip to their table.

"What can I get you two to start with?" he asked with a warm smile.

The girl eyed him suspiciously. He had short blonde hair and looked to be in his twenties, with bright hazel eyes. His frame was stocky but not too much so. He returned her look with a disarming kindness to him.

The girl shook off her feeling and glanced at the menus in front of them. "Water."

"Coming right up!" he assured and went back into the kitchen.

The tension in the room eased up only a little, but only because of the waiter who was brave enough to break the ice. The girl at first paid no mind to the eyes of the entire restaurant at first, murmuring quietly to her partner while flipping through the menu. But after she apparently decided what she wanted, she looked up, and her face adopted something that clearly told everyone to mind their damn business.

People automatically obeyed, probably because of the way her eyes would cut through their souls and burn them alive. She didn't seem like one to be embarrassed in the slightest of her partner and his strange choices of apparel.

Quite an impressive characteristic to find.

The waiter soon returned with the couple's drinks, setting them each down on the table and adorning a warm smile on his features. "Well, what would you both like to have today? Would you be interested in the special?"

The man in the corner of the place took a sip of his coffee, observing the situation and reading the newspaper in front of him occasionally.

"I want the carne asada with a side of rice, and he wants the fajitas," the girl told the waiter and handed him the menus.

Taking the menus and writing down their order on his little pad, he nodded, putting the pen and paper into a pouch on his apron. "So, I'm just curious, which costume party are you two going to?"

While to anyone in the room, this would have seemed like a normal question, but to the couple sitting at their table, it appeared to be the worst thing to ever ask them. The girl gave the waiter a hard stare for a moment. Then she put her hand to her forehead, moving it down her face to rub her skin in a defeated manner.

She waved her hand at the waiter dismissively to tell him to go away. Confused, the waiter obliged and went back to the kitchen, as to not induce any conflict.

While the girl leaned forward to put her elbows on the table and put her head in her hands, the man with her was sitting back in his chair in an aloof manner with his long arms folded across his chest. His elongated legs stretched all the way past the girl's chair under the table.

"This was a completely foolish idea," the tall man muttered, so quietly that the man in the corner barely heard it. But when he did hear it, he nearly dropped his coffee.

His voice was utterly astonishing. It sounded so unlike any voice he had ever heard in his life, so much more soft and smooth than any human's could be. It had its own tone and belayed any thoughts that might have been present in the minds of those who heard it.

A sigh came from the girl, and she interlaced her fingers, resting them against her mouth and locking gazes with her partner, saying nothing in response. A few minutes of uneventful silence went by in the restaurant.

Then one of the man's overly extended legs nudged the girl's chair forward a bit. Her eyes narrowed at him, and a second later the man pulled her chair all the way to the table, squishing her midsection against the table.

She let out a hiss and put her hands on the table to move her chair back, kicking his legs with her much smaller feet in an attempt to keep them away from her chair. The man chuckled at this and simply readjusted his feet only slightly.

"I'm going to stick a fork in your ass," the girl grumbled, still eyeing his limbs.

He only made a soft snorting noise. "I would thoroughly enjoy to watch you try, dear."

The man in the corner of the room couldn't help it when his lips turned up at the corners. They sounded like a true old married couple, like they knew each other inside and out. Neither one was afraid in the slightest to be themselves.

Sadly, the rest of the evening couldn't go quite so pleasantly anymore, because the couple's waiter had come out once again to tell them that their orders would take a few more minutes, and then proceeded to ask them again about what party they were going to that involved such interesting costumes.

The girl answered him very blatantly with little to no emotion and an apparent sincerity in her tone. "We aren't going to a costume party."

At this, the attention was returned to the couple in the middle of the room. As the girl didn't seem to care, her partner exhaled deeply and it was his turn to put his head in his hand. The man in the corner drinking his coffee should have noticed at this point that the situation was not going to end up well.

"Oh...then...is he trying out a costume for some kind of movie, or convention, or something? I've actually been to one, they're pretty cool," the waiter continued, oblivious to the look of death in the girl's eyes.

She was now more urgently trying to make him leave. "No. You need to go back to the kitchen. Just bring our food."

The waiter appeared puzzled and hurt by her harshness, trying to stammer out a reply. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine, you need to go now. Please."

"I just thought-"

"Look, you're curious, I get that, but this isn't a good time for-**fuck**."

The reason for the girl cutting off her sentence with a curse was the fact that her partner had stood up abruptly and knocked his chair down in the process, his head nearly hitting the ceiling because of his enormous height.

Had he grown somehow? He didn't seem that large when he first entered the building, though his size in the beginning had been very alarming.

Then began the screaming.

Somehow, large black appendages began to sprout from the man's back, writhing about and back and forth in the air almost like the tail of an annoyed cat. The next moment was filled with the sound of shrieking and the strange noise that was made by the points of the tendrils being impaled into several customers' bodies.

Half the population of the room was skewered instantly onto the walls, splattering their blood around them, while the others tried to run out the door and were stopped by more black tendrils snatching them up and tearing them apart in numerous ways. Their bodies were tossed around as if they weighed nothing and were pieces of tissue paper.

The man with his spilled coffee, bleeding out on the table that he sat at, saw that while all this terror was happening, the girl that had been with the creature was the only one not shouting or yelling or being tortured. She was sitting under the table with her knees pulled up to her chin and her arms folded atop them, anger and exhaustion burning dimly in her eyes. She looked like she wanted nothing to do with this situation and just wanted to go home.

_"I just wanted my fajitas, you stupid humans! You always ruin everything with your rude ways and ignorance and-"_ the creature was yelling viciously as he tore the people's bodies limb from limb and yanked out their organs.

He continued to rant while his partner, now climbed out from under the table, headed towards the kitchen in the back of the establishment. She had to step over a few bodies but other than that didn't seem to acknowledge the horror that was happening.

After a few moments of disgusting sounds made from the ripping of flesh and sickening cracks of bones breaking, the girl emerged from the kitchen with two brown paper bags and made her way to the creature in the black suit.

He was now finished with his fit of rage, removing the last of his tendrils from the remains around him and retracting them back into his body. The restaurant was fully soaked in blood and the carnage left behind by everyone who had once been alive in the establishment. It dripped from the ceiling, flooded down the walls, and spread quickly to cover the floor.

"I got your fajitas."

Turning, the tall creature seemed to shrink a few feet, and took the bag from the girl's hand. Her eyes traveled around the room to take it all in, then she went towards the door carefully walking over the removed limbs and body parts scattered about. The being in the black suit and tie followed soon after.

A few moments of dead silence came. Suddenly a figure fell onto the floor behind the front counter where people would place their menus, having hid in the small space and somehow miraculously being unharmed. He began to make stunned noises and stood up after some effort, seeing the horrible scene in front of him left behind by the two customers.

At that moment, the girl stepped back into the restaurant, making the employee jump back and land on his back on the floor. He scooted back with his mouth open in a silent plea, begging for his life.

But the girl simply placed some crumpled up money on the counter, then left.

The man fainted.

* * *

**Mustn't leave without paying. That would be very rude.****  
**


	3. DREAM

**Okai so last night I had a dream about Slenderman...and it wasn't exactly a good dream. It was more like a horror movie dream. I was actually terrified the whole time I was asleep, and I woke up very violently. So, here's basically how the dream played out.**

* * *

I was currently staying at one of my friend's houses, which was a large and very nice two-story building with lots of space. This was something I would never be able to afford. It was still fun to look at, though. She was very skilled with decorating.

When it was getting dark out, she decided that she needed to get us some food. We agreed on chinese takeout and she insisted that I stay here to watch the house while she was gone. Apparently someone in her neighborhood had a tendency to wander into other people's houses, an old woman who had dementia.

She left, and I went exploring the house to make sure that all the windows and doors were locked and tightly shut. Everything seemed secure. Did she have a balcony connected to the master bedroom? I should probably go check.

I made my way up the stairs and was met with the long hallway that led to the master bedroom. The door was slightly ajar. At least it wasn't locked. I would have to hunt for an hour to find the key.

My footsteps were mostly quiet on the floor, on account of it being a very fluffy carpet. The hallway was much longer than I ever would have had it. But hey, it wasn't my house. I had no right to complain.

The silence in the house was a bit unsettling. I had turned everything off downstairs so that I wouldn't be distracted by the noise, but now I kind of wished that there was some kind of background sound echoing to make it seem less creepy.

A slight, almost unheard, sound came from behind me. It was as if someone else had stepped onto the carpet and it creaked quietly under their weight.

Out of instinct I turned around. I felt very very cold then.

Standing at the other end of the hallway was a figure, one of impossible height, and slender, stick-like limbs. He wore a black suit and tie, but had a pure white complexion the color of snow. And his face...well, he had no face. There were no eyes, no nose, no ears, no features to be seen. Just blank.

A breathless gasp escaped me and I regained my motor functions, turning and running straight towards the master bedroom, trying to get away from this monstrous creature. The hallway blurred past me as I ran in a blind panic.

I got into the room and spun unsteadily to shut the door, and right before I pulled it closed, his figure appeared right on the other side of the door. I locked it and backed away, ready to collapse. My legs felt very weak.

A thought slammed into me and jarred me back to a state of concentration. Hide! Find somewhere to hide!

Looking around the room, I heard the pounding of my heart and saw no real places that I could conceal myself in. The bed was too low for me to slip under. There was no space in the closet, either. Finally I saw the bathroom on the other side of the room and went into it as quickly as I could.

I shut the door behind me and locked it, wishing that I could fit into the cabinet under the sink, or at least that the window was big enough for me to fit through. Feeling hopeless, I sank down onto the floor and leaned back against the wall so that I would be behind the door if it were opened.

I quieted my breathing as best I could so that I could listen for any footsteps. I felt nauseous from the fear in the back of my neck. Just what the hell was that thing? And how did it get into the house? Maybe my friend was playing a prank on me, making her secret roommate dress up that way just to scare me.

But that thing...it was too tall to be human. And it had somehow teleported all the way across the hall after I ran to the bedroom. That wasn't supposed to even be possible. Just thinking about this was giving me a headache.

Maybe I was just seeing things. My mind could be creating images from my paranoid thoughts, things that could never really exist. It's happened to plenty of people.

Somehow...this didn't bring me any comfort.

I proceeded to stay curled in a ball shaking slightly for a long time, mostly waiting for the creature to come in, or for my friend to come back and tell me how gullible I was and how fun it is to pull pranks on me. I had no way to tell what time it was. My cell phone was downstairs and I didn't have a watch.

If I guessed, I would say that it had been a half hour. But I also knew that when people were frightened, their sense of time got screwed up. However I had calmed down quite a bit since I ran in here with my heart thumping madly in my chest and adrenaline coursing through me.

Keeping my breathing relatively silent, I stood up and tried to loosen up my stiff muscles a bit. There was no sound from the other side of the door. Not that I was expecting any. As far as I knew, the creature didn't make any sounds when it moved.

Suddenly the room seemed to chill at an alarming rate. I was confused until I felt a presence right behind me, close enough that I could feel some sort of fabric brushing against me. Immediately it felt like my blood drained from my body and I was frozen in place.

For some reason I glanced up into the mirror, curious, and saw a figure standing almost in my shadow, its white face well above the top of my head because of its height. Looking at the creature was a vital mistake. For when I did, my gaze was trapped on it, and my body felt completely numb.

Why wasn't it killing me?

* * *

**And it ended there.**

**I was very much expecting for Slendy to kill me in that moment, but he just kinda looked at me for a while. If I were him, I would kill me for writing such a Fanfic about him, haha. It was pretty terrifying to see him in a realistic setting like that.**

**This is why I shouldn't write such things about him. But I do anyway, cause I'm stupid. So now if I die anytime soon, you'll all know that it was because Slenderman couldn't take my shit anymore. Yeah.**


	4. I DO WHUT I WANT

**So, i had this idea while writing this particular part of my most recent chapter(ch 27) and decided to uh...put it here. Yeah. The italicized part is the actual chapter part thingy and the rest of it is just something else that could have happened.**

**Enjoy. **

* * *

_I went around him and towards the door that would lead me to the trail I was originally supposed to go on. While I pushed the door open, he tugged on the back of my jacket and lifted it up slightly, a cool finger tracing the outline of my spine._

_"Are you sure you don't want me to get rid of the bruise first?"_

_Immediately I spun and slapped his hand away in a very spazzy manner, at this point just wanting to get away from him before he decided to do something against my will yet again, and make it so that I was in such a daze that I couldn't talk to my parents._

_I hissed lowly in reply to him, scowling. "Stop it. And quit leaving your stupid papers in my things just so you can stalk me. I'm sure you can bother me all you want when I get back home, so can't you leave me alone just for the time that I'm with my parents? _I mean-"

"BITCH, I DO WHUT I FUCKING WAHNT!"

...

Slenderman put his arms back at his sides after failing them around while talking to emphasize his point. Rei just stared at him for a solid moment, unmoving. The silence in the air was intense enough to stop the rest of time everywhere else in the universe.

"...What did you just say?"

"BITCH, I SAID-"

"I KNOW WHAT YOU FUCKING SAID, YOU ASSWIPE! I'M GOING TO DISEMBOWEL **YOU** AND HANG YOUR ORGANS ON TREE BRANCHES AND SHOVE PINE NEEDLES UP YOUR ASS AND-"

Slenderman ran from the building with a girly shriek and Rei followed soon after, taking out her gun and attempting to shoot him in his skinny little ass, which proved useless.

So instead she leapt on top of him-cause he wasn't running very fast anyway cause he didn't give a shit about what she did to him-and tightened her arms around his neck, telling him that he was going to be her slave for eternity and would have to give her mandatory piggyback rides for the rest of his pitiful existence.

Slenderman ran off into the sunset with a screaming Rei on his back, while the latter continued her rant about how she would find Jeff and make him do a strip dance while she forced Slenderman to watch.

* * *

**Or, this could happen.**

_I went around him and towards the door that would lead me to the trail I was originally supposed to go on. While I pushed the door open, he tugged on the back of my jacket and lifted it up slightly, a cool finger tracing the outline of my spine._

_"Are you sure you don't want me to get rid of the bruise first?"_

_Immediately I spun and slapped his hand away in a very spazzy manner, at this point just wanting to get away from him before he decided to do something against my will yet again, and make it so that I was in such a daze that I couldn't talk to my parents._

_I hissed lowly in reply to him, scowling. "Stop it. And quit leaving your stupid papers in my things just so you can stalk me. I'm sure you can bother me all you want when I get back home, so can't you leave me alone just for the time that I'm with my parents? _I mean-"

"BITCH, I DO WHUT I FUCKING WAHNT!"

...

Slenderman put his arms back at his sides after failing them around while talking to emphasize his point. Rei just stared at him for a solid moment, unmoving. The silence in the air was intense enough to stop the rest of time everywhere else in the universe.

"...What did you just say?"

"BITCH, I SAID-"

Rei ripped off one of the doors to the bathroom stalls and bitchslapped Slenderman in the face with it, knocking him to the floor. She tossed the door down and folded her arms, looking down at Slenderman, a look of utter disdain on her features. A moment of quiet passed.

"That, everyone, is why you don't call your girlfriends bitches. Because I will find you and slap you in the fucking face with a bathroom stall door. Have a nice day."

* * *

**I...I like both of these. I couldn't decide which one. So you get both. **

**Have a nice day.**


	5. Kelsi the Lifebomber

**I got a laptop for my birthday and it wasn't new, it was from my friend. So this is sort of what happened with it. The rest of this is just me having a freak-out fit...thing...and what I did while freaking out in happiness. You'll see.**

* * *

Alright. I found an old laptop computer in the basement, the place which I had no idea existed until the pleasant and rather eventful day that I met the girl named Kelsi. Marie told me that I could just keep it when I called and asked about it. Apparently it's not really worth anything and is probably really outdated.

Surprisingly the thing wasn't that old, it was a ThinkPad from 2005 and functioned pretty well. Until the thing decided to log me off randomly and not let me log on. A box popped up that said 'Could not log you on. Make sure your password and username are correct.'

Now, this wouldn't be a problem if I could use the damn keyboard. When I tried to type in the correct username to log on, the keys would only produce a beep noise and the message box would flash colors for a second. This was freaking weird.

"Maybe I could be of assistance," Slenderman suggested, standing behind the couch. "Your petty human problems shouldn't be too difficult for me to solve."

I shoved the laptop onto the couch cushion next to me. "Be my guest."

Slenderman tried for quite a while to tamper with the machine, spending most of the time simply inspecting how it worked. Eventually he got frustrated, insulted my entire race for creating such an idiotic and insufficient device, then promptly teleported away to contemplate killing us all. Just for this. This thing that would not do what he wanted.

He almost killed the computer before he left, his anger getting the better of him and making the screen blip in and out, so I had to take it away from him before he killed it for good. I didn't want to let it go this easily. I was going to solve this issue one way or another.

~5 HOURS LATER~

"You know, I really would like to log on and enter the correct username, if you would LET ME USE THE FUCKING KEYBOARD!" I growled at the computer screen, about to throw the thing at the wall and never touch it again.

I couldn't do anything. There was no way to log in as someone else, or to reset the computer without being logged on to do so. I was completely stuck and this was driving me up a wall. It was already dark outside and I had been sitting there on the couch literally all day, because I knew that if I got up, I wouldn't come back to fix the machine.

My hair was sticking out for the reason that I had been moving it out of my face and squeezing it in frustration occasionally. I think my eye might be twitching as well. This...this is a very fun day. Wouldn't you agree?

I forced myself to sit back on the couch. My back hurt like hell, as well as everything else. I rubbed my face roughly with my hands to demonstrate all my pent-up anger and hope that when I looked back at the computer again, it would magically be fixed and everything would be perfectly fine.

No such luck. When I opened my eyes, the error message box stared back at me, taunting me with its lies and assurances that I could simply do something that is impossible. Maybe the machine is possessed and a demon is just doing this to mess with me. Yep, that seems legit. It's all just to piss me off. And it worked.

I held my face in my hands and just glared at the computer screen, my fingers squeezing my cheeks in an irritated manner. The sound of a crash suddenly interrupted my angry silence.

The ceiling caved in and was followed by a bucketfull of debris and a human-like shape. Kelsi clambered up off the floor, dusting herself off and waving at me excitedly with a huge smile on her face.

"Sup brah-"

"KELSI I'M GOING TO KILL EVERYTHING."

She immediately changed demeanor and lifted herself up onto the couch so that she was sitting on the back of it with her legs next to me. I explained the situation with the evil device on the table in front of me while she looked at the screen, taking everything in and simply nodding every few seconds. When I was done ranting I tried once more to move the mouse over the username box and click on it.

"So, Kelsi, I want you to try and enter your correct username like it says," I told the girl sitting behind me.

She took a glance at me, then reached over and attempted to enter the username, and the box flashed again without entering any keys. She stopped for a second and simply stared with a contemplative look on her features.

At this point I had given up on ever fixing the damn thing. So I was waiting for her to get upset as I was and flip a table in that glorious manner of hers, and we could both go on our respective rampages, hers of epic table flipping and mine of mental instability consisting of maiming whoever I came across.

Abruptly Kelsi pushed a bunch of buttons at once on the keyboard, making the box flash rapidly and make numerous beeping sounds in protest. But my heart leapt into my throat when I saw that a new letter was entered into the username box. It was the letter E.

"KELSI WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!"

"I just held down on the key for a few seconds. What did I do?"

"You fixed the computer! Holy shit...you're a genius! I can enter the username now if I do what you did with the correct letters. Thank you!"

While I typed the username using the method that Kelsi demonstrated, she watched and looked back and forth between my spazzy face and the computer screen. The computer began to log me on finally. I wanted to throw a freaking party just to celebrate how awesome Kelsi was.

I looked over at her and couldn't control the grin growing on my face. "How did you think of doing that? That was just...amazing."

"I just...I wanted to see the box flash colors again. It was pretty."

"Well, you fixed my computer!"

She paused. "But the colors are gone now...I only wanted to see the flashing box..."

After exploring the computer for a while, I put it away and went to do about my daily business, being followed of course by Kelsi. Slenderman was still too pissy to come back. He probably would have flipped a table himself if he saw that Kelsi fixed the machine in two seconds while we spent hours trying to do anything on it.

He would probably flip the whole house...maybe the whole world. I'd like to see that.

I went back to the computer to check my email, since I hadn't checked it in a while. I had a message from someone who I had contacted earlier, saying that they had done something, and they had a link to whatever it was.

The moment I put the link into the search bar and the page loaded, my brain exploded and was gone from me for about ten seconds, leaving me unable to process what I was seeing. I came back to the living when Kelsi called from the kitchen to ask if we had any chocolate milk.

In a blind rush I jumped over the couch and hit the floor running, heading straight into the kitchen and grabbing Kelsi by the arm to show her what I had just seen.

"Whoa what's going on-"

"KELSI, KELSI, THERE'S A THING! IT'S...IT'S...FUCKING LOOK! LOOK AT IT!"

I placed her on the couch and sat next to her while she inspected what was on the computer screen. Her eyes went wide. "Oh, man...holy shit. Oh wow."

I bit my lip from sheer involuntary joy. "Isn't it awesome?"

"Yeah, it's so good." Her voice was quiet, like she was taking time to process, something I could not fully do at the time.

"She...she made it. She finished it. It's there, just for me and my story."

"Yeah. I see that."

"It's just...oh my god. I'm going to die from happiness. I'm going to have a heart attack."

"I can tell."

I then proceeded to have a fangirl fit and bounce off the walls for the next two hours, a vicious cycle it was. It was a horrible cycle in those hours because just when I thought I had calmed down enough, I would go back to actually look at it and see if anything was amiss, and I would fall into a fit of spazzyness all over again and have to wander around my house with an idiotic smile plastered on my face.

This continued deep into the next day as well, where I proceeded to show everyone this great thing of wonderful awesomeness that was made for me. Of course I got a few confused stares from those who couldn't come to understand my weirdness, but I was completely unable to give any shits that day. About anything.

The world could have ended and I would have been all, "WAIT DID YOU SEE IT YET? COME HERE, LEMME SHOW YOU WHAT DIS FREAKING CHICK DID FOR ME. IT'S THE MOST GLORIOUS THING I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. I DON'T CARE IF YOU GET IT OR NOT. SHUT YOUR FACE AND BASK IN ITS BEAUTY."

And I went home to bask some more like the freak that I am, this being joined with a massive fit of face-hurting smiles and hand flailing of excitement. My face hurt for a while from it. But I gave no shits that day, cause it was very much worth it to have the honor of receiving this piece of indescribably astonishing artwork.

Mind=blown forever.

Kelsi of course had the bragging rights for the next eternity of her life, living with knowing that she fixed my computer like a boss. The most epic table-flipping arm-flailing SUP BRAH-saying boss of all time and all existence.

To celebrate her most awed and appreciated achievement, I even went out and bought her some chocolate milk just for the occasion. This was a once in a lifetime event that must not be forgotten or overlooked. This...will go down in history. Teachers will tell their students of the great Kelsi and her incomparable ability to do what could not be done, to say which could not be said, to save the world from itself and its moronic computer operating systems.

At this time, Slenderman decided to come back, ready to impale the laptop onto a tree in the middle of nowhere, but I stopped him and assured him that Kelsi handled it with flying colors. He seemed very disappointed to hear this, and disappeared. Kelsi came downstairs after using the bathroom soon after.

"So, do we get to celebrate with our delicious chocolate milk now? I even got a movie for us to watch from a store in town, its a really good one, I think you'll like it. Maybe we could make some popcorn too, like that movie theatre stuff, you know the kind-"

An empty carton suddenly was launched through the air and bounced off of Kelsi's face, landing on the floor. Stunned, it took her a second to realize what just happened. She picked up the carton and read the label of it.

Even from my distance away, I knew what it was. And I also knew what shit was about to go down. People of the world, prepare to have every table you know and love _flipped_ right before your eyes. Oh, the horror, the tragedy. Nothing could save us now.

Slenderman came to the doorway to the living room then, a chocolate milk mustache sitting smugly on top of where his lips would have been. He folded his arms and looked down at Kelsi who walked up to him with a scowl prominent on her face.

A few tense moments of silence passed, nothing more than glares exchanged. I wasn't quite sure what Kelsi was about to do. I expected a table flip of colossal size that would cause the world to end spontaneously.

Suddenly Kelsi broke the staring match by sending her fist straight into a place that has been the cause of many sorrows and woes of boys and men across the world when struck. She punched him...right in the balls.

A noise of pure agony came from Slenderman, and he collapsed almost immediately, curling into a ball on the floor and groaning in a pitiful manner. Kelsi glowered down at him in disdain.

She dug into her pocket and pulled out a bill of money, waving it around in the air before tossing it onto Slenderman, where it floated before settling on him.

"There's your twenty dollars, you whore. Now clean yourself up."

With that, Kelsi turned her back on him and was sucked back into the sky, through the ceiling and through the roof of the house, leaving many piles of debris in her wake. I looked down at the figure in the black suit currently in pain on the floor and holding his crotch.

Kelsi didn't even say goodbye...

* * *

**So if you're wondering about the twenty dollars thing, look up 'Slender $20 Mode' on Youtube. I'm not good at explaining anything...at all...**

**The reason for the fit thingy is this: /art/Heart-of-Darkness-432900108 (deviantArt)**

**This person made me a fanart picture...just for me. Freaking look at it. Gaze upon its magnificence. It was too damn nice for her to do that for me, in my opinion. But yeah...it also explains my cover art now. **

**Murh**


	6. Complimentsssssssss

**I don't like boys anymore.**

** Girls rule and boys drool. It shall be this way forever.**

* * *

"So, uh, tomorrow's Valentines Day. Were you wanting to do anything special?"

I looked over at Jack and examined the hopeful smile on his face. We were still in school, lunchtime, going to get our food. He wanted to plan something fancy for tomorrow, I could tell. "I'm not sure, what were you thinking of?"

"I thought we could maybe go to that restaurant here in town, like during lunch. You like their food, right? I know you love the soup there."

He was right. I was a huge fan of their soup. But was that all he wanted to do? I'm not exactly a huge fan of Valentine's Day, but I could entertain the thought of it for his sake. Besides, if I got some good food, I saw no problem there.

In the past I never even payed any attention to the 'holiday', the reasons being simple. I saw that the day was either to celebrate your love that you had with your partner, or to be reminded of your so familiar status of being hopelessly alone. I would rather not be excited about either of those ideas.

Most of the time I simply forgot about the day. That is, until I would see the girls walking around with teddy bears that were almost too big for them to carry, and the ones with the exquisite bouquets of roses that would only last a week. The ways that people waste their money is truly astonishing. And not in a good way.

"Maybe we could go on a walk, too," I suggested when me and Jack walked through one of the school buildings. "I could bring some sweets. Like some sort of picnic. But not exactly a picnic...it would just be us sitting out in a field somewhere munching on goodies."

He smiled. "Yeah, that sounds great. Let's do that."

Always a people pleaser. It was one quality about him that I wasn't quite so sure I was very fond of, because it also meant that he was very social, which I was very much not.

It wasn't because I couldn't be social, I just preferred not to be. Dealing with people can be so exhausting and pointless. Why do that and put myself into awkward situations when I can simply enjoy the company of a good book and some tea?

Jack thought that I needed to be more social because I would need it later in life, and that it was a vital skill to have. I had to restrain myself as best as I could to keep from laughing at this. He didn't understand why I didn't make friends as easily as he did. Or why I would always steer away from a crowd of people instead of immersing myself in them like he did.

A friend of mine passed us in the hall, with a couple of her friends that I didn't really know. I waved at her and said hello. She stopped for a second to say it back with a nervous smile.

"Your hair is nice," Jack told her before she began to walk away.

She blinked for a second, then just smiled her usual smile and walked away. "Thanks."

Okay...now, I know I don't exactly process things or function like other people, but for some reason this statement from Jack made some sort of sticky feeling rise up in my ribs. I knew that it was jealousy. I'd felt it before when other girls had stared at Jack for a bit too long, or tossed their hair very close to him in an attempt to flirt.

However. Jack did not realize what he had just caused. He remained oblivious to it for the rest of lunch, even as I made hints at the fact that it bothered me a little. I wasn't about to start freaking out on him. Usually I reacted more passive-aggressively with these kinds of things. Even if I wanted to let my emotions explode out, I don't think I ever really could do it.

Later that day Jack decided to walk me halfway home. By this time, my emotions had pooled inside me and festered quietly for the whole day, a wound that needed to be disinfected. But how could I do it?

"Jack?" I asked.

"Yes, Rei?" His hand readjusted in mine.

I chewed on my lip in thought. "Do you know why I acted a little off today?"

He stared at me for a bit, and his eyes adopted an amused glow. "You were jealous that I said something to your friend."

"So, if you know that, then why did you do it? I mean, I know you're being nice and all, but sometimes things like that make me think that I need to be more like someone else, someone that you compliment because you like their features."

His attitude changed a little when he saw how serious I was about this. "Rei, it's not a big deal. She's your friend. And mine. There's nothing wrong with giving her a compliment."

Great. Now I feel embarrassed. But I wasn't about to give up. I had to make him understand my point, however stupid it might be. "If I complimented some guy, you'd react much worse than I did. Try to put yourself in my position."

"Rei." He squeezed my hand gently, in what was supposed to be a loving gesture, which to me didn't help at all. He gazed at me with his eyebrows slightly furrowed. "You don't need to freak out over something this dumb. Okay? Just calm down."

...Calm down. How the hell...does he think I need to calm down? I'm gently speaking to him to try and make him understand why it made me uncomfortable. I'm not yelling at him or having a panic attack and forbidding him from ever speaking to another female ever again.

We came to a small walking bridge that went over a creek. The bridge had no railing, because the water wasn't very deep anyway. It only went up to seven feet at most. As we walked to the middle, I released Jack's hand and shoved him off the side. He gave a startled yelp before splashing into the water.

I halted and turned to him, watching as he swam back to the bridge and took hold of it to hold himself up. He shook his head and sprayed water droplets everywhere. Glaring at me, he sputtered out some water. "Does this mean you forgive me, then?"

Pausing before answering, I crouched down to his level. "Yes."

I pushed his arms off of the bridge so that he went flying back into the creek. Then I stood up, turned, and walked off of the bridge to head home.

* * *

**Oh, if only I could do this in real life. We should all just buy chocolate for ourselves and eat it in front of them. They get nothing. All da chocolate in the world will soon be mine.**

**Happy fucking Valentines Day.**


	7. derp

**So...this is basically how every one of my Resonant Humanity chapter starts out. I start out writing it in my free time, usually when my friend is near me, so the things she wrote on my paper are in italics.**

**This is kind of like...the "before" image of one of those pictures where they show how makeup can improve your features.**

* * *

RH Chapter...I don't even know anymore. Its...the next one. Yeah. That one.**(I usually write the names of the chapters at the top of the page)**

...

Derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp

DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

_HUUUMMMP DAAAYYYYYYY!_**(****I promptly crossed this out as much as I could)**

_what does the fox say?_ **NO**

* * *

"So, how's the sandwich?"

It was the greatest most delicious sandwich I had ever tasted in my entire existence. My mouth was so full of the amazing food that at first I couldn't answer, which Jonathan promptly snickered at.

"What the hell did you put in these? I can't...there are no words to describe how awesome they are," I replied and graciously took another bite.

This was my second sandwich, which deeply surprised myself more so than my parents, because I usually wasn't so enthusiastic about eating a lot at a time. All it took was Jonathan's magical sandwich making abilities, I guess.

I'll never eat anyone else's sandwiches again.

***DUE TO WRITER'S CONSTIPATION, ANY FUTURE WORD-SHIT IS UNABLE TO BE PRODUCED AT THIS TIME***

* * *

**(I then proceeded to draw a constipated-looking face and it was beautiful.)**


End file.
